It Goes Both Ways
by Caina
Summary: It was mutual, Shawn lied to himself. Kept lying to himself. Until it was no longer a lie. [Missing scene from Season 6, takes place between the "Club Cleavage" episode and the "Poem" episode.]


_'You want to meet new people and I'm not new people.'_

Shawn knew it wasn't mutual.

Or at least he did at first. The first week where she seemed to be avoiding him, while he in turn avoided Cory's nagging judgment and Topanga's silent curiosity. Then the weeks that followed after that, where she was back to normal, and she treated him with a kind of cool friendliness that Shawn had not liked. Had not liked at all.

Then there was the Club Cleavage Incident and the big fight over it. Well, big was an exaggeration, considering that it consisted mostly of Shawn following her into her room and reminding her that they had broken up mutually, and he could do whatever he wanted, while Angela just sat at her desk silently and asked him if he was done. He hadn't been done. He could feel her hurt loud and clear at him and it had soured every night at the Club after that. He had still kept going though.

It was mutual, he lied to himself. Kept lying to himself.

Until it was no longer a lie.

A week after the Cleavage Fight, Shawn caught – no, not caught, found – no, not that. That would imply that he was looking for Angela when he saw her making out in the common room couch with that frat boy with oversized shoulders. And boy, was that ironic considering that their separation was catalyzed by his unwillingness to make out in said common room with her…

But back to this – when he saw Angela and the Hulk making out in the common room, Shawn figured out that it was mutual, after all.

He also figured out that 'meeting new people' went both ways.

"Oh Shawn - hi. This is -"

Shawn blanked out the name. It was hard to hear it past the roaring of his ears at the sight of Angela's flushed face, messed up hair, and the flash of skin that showed briefly before she yanked her sweater up. He felt like punching something. Preferably the half-dazed, half-smug look on the Hulk's face.

He must have said something in reply – something quick and funny, that made Angela laugh, her face relaxing from the brief tension that had crossed it. The Hulk laughed too, not that Shawn cared. He said something again, and walked away quickly. He thought he could feel her eyes following him, and he turned to look.

If she had been watching him, she wasn't now. The Hulk had pounced and with a squeal, Angela let him maul her, looking for all the world like she was enjoying it.

The frat boy was familiar and if Shawn could think past the red haze in his head, he would remember him. Something varsity. He had seen him playing pool with Angela several times the past few weeks. Seen them at the clubhouse, chatting the few times Shawn had been there without Cory and Topanga. Seen them sitting at the café having coffee together.

Not that Shawn had gone out of his way to notice Angela and the non-Cory men that she hung out with.

The urge to punch something hadn't quite left his system when he stormed into his room. Cory and Topanga looked up from where they sat on Cory's bed, books open in front of them and ignored in the middle of make-out session.

"There wasn't a rubber band on the knob," Shawn snapped.

Topanga stared, her eyes narrowing but Cory just blinked innocently. "That's because we're studying."

Shawn marched to his side of the room and started yanking down books from the bookshelf, stuffing them into his duffel bag loudly.

He didn't need to look over his shoulder to _feel_ the look the other two exchanged.

"Shawn, is everything OK?" Topanga asked.

"Why won't it," Shawn said brightly, flashing a smile at his friends, before turning back to his packing.

He felt them exchange glances again.

Cory cleared his throat. "Did you, by any chance, happen to run into Angela and her date - Ow, Topanga!" There was a sharp intake of breath and the sound of mild violence.

"Angela has a date?" Shawn said, his bright voice never dimming. "That's great for her. I'm going to the library," he said hastily, swinging his bag over his shoulder, and making his way to the door without turning around. It was bad enough having Coranga and their perfect love thrown at his face – having them scrutinize him on the topic of Angela and the Neanderthal that she was swapping spit with was unbearable.

"Shawn, wait-"

He was through the door, slamming it shut.

He half-expected Cory to come after him but Topanga must have convinced him not to for which Shawn was grateful.

He still had to pass through the common room again, and he perversely anticipated running into Angela + the He-Man going at each other again.

But the couch was occupied by another couple. Angela and her date were nowhere in sight.

Shawn spent the next 4 hours in the library, 'studying' material his classes won't cover until next semester, while having flashes of memory of him and Angela. Her face. Her smile. The breathless laughter when he said something snarky as they cuddled in their favorite booth. The way her voice went deep and incredibly sexy when his tongue and teeth attacked her clavicle.

The look on her face when he told her he wanted to meet 'new people'. The way her eyes had tightened, then glazed over as an overly-bright, artificial smile had filled her voice when she reminded him that she was not.

The memory of that fake smile was the only thing that kept back the urge to go back to the dorm and see if there was a rubber band on Angela's door knob right now. Because that would have been crazy. He was crazy.

Their break-up was mutual. So they could meet new people. Shawn had been meeting 'new people' every weekend and change since then.

Why the hell had he ever expected Angela not to?

And why the hell did the realization make him feel equal parts anger and misery?

When he got back to the dorm, the common room was empty except for some dude sleeping on the couch, under a pile of books. He passed Angela's door and felt no respite that there was no rubber band on it – there was probably a rubber band on frat-boy's single-person dorm room.

Cory was waiting up for him, Topanga nowhere in sight to serve as a useful distraction.

Shawn bit back a curse.

"Got some studying done?" Cory said faux-casually.

"Yep."

"Earlier, you looked kind of upset."

"I wasn't."

"Huh. That's good because you still look exactly the way you did before. So it's good that you're not upset about -"

Shawn gave him a sharp, warning glare.

A myriad of emotions flashed over Cory's face before he shook his head, clearly coming to a decision. "Glad to know you're OK, pal," he said gently.

Somehow the gentleness was even worse. Shawn shrugged. He was sitting on the bed now, and he started pulling off his socks. Batman socks. Angela had given them to him for Christmas. She had been biting her lip nervously – Topanga had told her that he was a fan and she was half-afraid he'd think they were childish but he had been so delighted to have them. He had never got the chance to 'grow out' of them as a kid.

He had kissed that bitten lip, felt her mouth soft and sweet against his own, her hands gentle in his hair, making him shiver. He had wrapped his hands around her waist, and held her warm, slender body as close to him as he dared, his heart so full of happiness because of this girl and her socks that he thought he would burst…

"Topanga said to say hi. She left shortly after you did. She and Angela needed to study for a test tomorrow."

The invisible spring inside him, that had been coiling tighter and tighter since 4 hours ago and the common room couch – loosened so rapidly that Shawn actually felt his spine deflate with relief.

Cory chuckled. "Thought you might like to know that." He paused. "Shawn…"

Shawn looked up. He was completely vulnerable now. If Cory asked him how he felt about Angela meeting 'new people', Shawn would have to tell him the truth.

But Cory paused again, indecision flickering across his face. Then he shook his head. "Good night."

He turned off his light-switch – and just like that he was out. In a literal minute, his snores filled the room.

Shawn stared into the dimness of the room, still frozen mid-motion in the act of pulling off Angela's socks.

He was glad that Cory hadn't asked. The last thing he needed right now was Cory Matthew's sympathy. Not that there was any reason for sympathy.

After all, it had always been mutual.

* * *

Fin

* * *

A/N: Yeah, I don't believe for one second that Shawn really believed it was a mutual separation. Shawngela's story is full of holes, just waiting for fanfiction to close up. I'd like to write more but I also hope there's an audience for it. So ... let me know in the reviews if you'd like more Shawngela missing scenes.


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